The holidays can be beautiful, full of laughter, family, and connection, but for many people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Thanksgiving can also bring up intense emotions. Between complex family dynamics, shifting routines, and the pressure to appear “okay,” this time of year can feel overwhelming.

If you live with BPD, you’re not alone in finding the holidays challenging. The combination of emotional vulnerability, fear of abandonment, and the unpredictability of family gatherings can create a perfect storm for stress. However, with a little self-awareness, preparation, and compassion, it’s possible to navigate the holiday season in a way that feels grounding rather than draining.

5 Key Strategies for a Grounded Holiday

1. Acknowledge Your Emotional Sensitivity (It’s a Strength, Not a Weakness)

 One of the hallmark traits of BPD is heightened emotional sensitivity. A comment or change in plans that might seem minor to others can feel deeply personal or even painful. Instead of judging yourself for feeling “too much,” validate your emotions and remind yourself that your feelings are real, even if they’re intense. 

Try saying, “This is hard for me right now, but I can handle it.” Emotional sensitivity often comes with strengths, like empathy, creativity, and deep connection, which are qualities to appreciate, not suppress (Linehan, 2015).

2. Set Clear Boundaries Before the Day Starts

Boundaries are a form of self-respect. 

- Verbal Limits: If you know that certain topics, like your mental health, relationships, or career, tend to trigger emotional discomfort, it’s okay to set limits. You might say, “I’d love to just focus on catching up today,” or change the subject calmly.

- Physical Boundaries:   If you feel overwhelmed, step away.  Find a quiet spot like a bathroom, porch or even the garage. Practice a grounding exercise (like 5-4-3-2-1) or deep breaths for two minutes. These small breaks can prevent emotional overload and help you stay grounded. Research shows that clear boundary-setting helps individuals with BPD reduce emotional reactivity and build interpersonal effectiveness (Neacsiu et al., 2010).

3. Challenge All or Nothing Thinking (Find the Middle Ground) 

Thanksgiving gatherings, or a single comment from a relative can trigger black-and-white thoughts such as: “No one cares about me,” or “This dinner is ruined.”

Actively challenge these all-or-nothing beliefs by seeking out the truth in the gray area:

• Black-and-White: “Aunt Sarah didn't look at me, so she hates me.”
• Middle Ground: “Aunt Sarah looked busy, but that doesn't mean she hates me.”

Cognitive restructuring - actively shifting how you view a situation - can reduce emotional distress and promote more flexible thinking patterns (Beck, 2011).

4. Have a Pre- Planned Emotional Exit Strategy

It’s helpful to have an emotional “escape plan” before heading into potentially stressful gatherings. Having a plan reduces anxiety because you know you have options when distress spikes.

- Grounding Tools:  Pack a small kit with grounding tools such as:  headphones and a calming playlist, fidget items, or soothing scents. 

- Anchor: Identify a trusted person you can text or call if you need a quick emotional check-in. This person should know your plan and be ready to respond with supportive words.

- Decompression Ritual: Plan a comforting, non-negotiable self-care ritual for immediately after the event. This might be journaling, watching a favorite show, or taking a warm bath, specifically designed to help you decompress.

5. Celebrate Small Wins

If you show up, communicate a boundary, or simply make it through dinner without withdrawing, that’s progress. Healing with BPD isn’t about being perfect, it’s about small, consistent acts of self-awareness and self-control.

 Progress usually happens quietly, such as: 

• Taking a breath instead of immediately reacting. 
• Walking away instead of arguing. 
• Notificing a trigger before it escalates.

Every single one of those moments counts as a major victory.

Final Thoughts

You deserve peace during the holidays, even if your version of peace doesn't look like everyone else's. You do not have to perform, overexplain, or prove that you're doing okay.

It is enough to just be there, showing up as you are.

This Thanksgiving, remember the five pillars of a grounded holiday:

• Acknowledge your emotional sensitivity.
• Proactively set clear boundaries.
• Practice challenging all-or-nothing thoughts.
• Prepare your emotional exit strategy.
• Intentionally celebrate small wins.

Let grace replace guilt. Let boundaries replace burnout. And most importantly, let self-compassion replace self-criticism. You are doing better than you think. Our therapists at Pacific CBT are here to help! Contact us today to schedule a free 15-minute video consultation.

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References
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

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Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

 Neacsiu, A. D., Rizvi, S. L., & Linehan, M. M. (2010). Dialectical behavior therapy skills use as a mediator and outcome of treatment for borderline personality disorder. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(9), 832–839. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2010.05.017

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